And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
