end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
