Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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