i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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