Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
