DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
