He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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