Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
