I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
