I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
