I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
