I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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