Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you never un-have a 4some
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
