I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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