ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
