i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
