I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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