you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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