Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
