Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
