I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
