I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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