It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
