you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
