threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
