just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
