In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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