I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
