dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
BRING THE BAGELS
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My life is pants optional.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
