i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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