I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
