Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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