its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it's great music for shaving your balls
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
