Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
