guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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