Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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