no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Randomize
