you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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