Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
