I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
