i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
