Non-Jews are for practice
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
nutella sex= disaster
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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