i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
someone owes me an orgasm
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
