this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
