your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
