I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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