You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
