Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
