So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
