I'm gonna have a badass scar
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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