our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
