hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
