yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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