...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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