She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
