ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
