12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
did you just send me my own nude
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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